The most important person in the world to whom you should be loyal and faithful to is yourself. Everybody else will leave you at one point or another in this life. You are the only person who can’t ever leave you until you die. So you better have a great relationship and understanding with yourself right at the start if you can. You definitely need to understand yourself first. Unfortunately, most people don’t really know themselves, and have not taken the time necessary to reflect on their core priorities, desires, beliefs, and values.
First, as an infant and a young child, we don’t even have the notion of self. We are just being ourselves which is great. Slow but surely, we start to understand the notion of self and being selfish with others. For example, we want things, food and toys for ourselves. We start to grab things from other children, and we start to discriminate who we want to let into our inner play circle. Gradually at school, we start to choose our own friends and reject others. As a youngster and teenager, you form your self-esteem mostly from external factors,
from your environment, parents, teachers and friends. If you were bullied at school like some were, you most likely had a low self-esteem of yourself. Your relationship with yourself would tend to be negative and self critical. On the other hand, if you were lucky to have a loving family, supportive siblings and friends, you develop a healthy self-esteem and a positive outlook of life. Then your relationship will yourself tends to be healthy and wholesome.
As young adults, most people understand the importance of developing a healthy relationship with the self. Unfortunately only very few actually consciously put the necessary effort in cultivating and nurturing such a relationship. The excuses are that you are too busy doing more important things like having an education, earning a living and dating. You forget the most important person in this world, namely you. So the relationship with one’s self is taken for granted and there is a false assumption that you treat yourself well by default.
In actual fact, most people tend to have a somewhat negative relationship with themselves. You tend to be critical of yourself through your thoughts and self talks. For example, you don’t like the way you look, you don’t like your job, you don’t like your weight, and you are dissatisfied because you aren’t happy and rich. Some people are their worst critics. They are never happy with who they are, what they do and where they are in life. The root of their misery and lack of contentment are their attitude towards life and their low self-esteem. Of course, their relationships with themselves are very poor and negative.
Spend time cultivating and nurturing your relationship with yourself. It is certainly one of the most important things you can do in order to live a meaningful and fulfilled life. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself in your mind. Learn to talk to yourself as a friend would. Develop a positive mindset and a hopeful outlook to life. A positive and hopeful mindset can alter your thoughts and can definitely change your relationship with self for the better. Be aware of the power of your mind. You attract to your mind the predominant thoughts that you are holding in your awareness. So choose your thoughts carefully, as your current thoughts are creating your future life. One way to master your mind is to learn to quiet your mind through meditation.
Nothing comes into your experience and existence unless you summon it through persistent thoughts. Your thoughts are the primary cause of everything. Everything else you see and experience in this world is effect, and that includes your feelings. Imagine that you are given some very bad news, most likely you will feel very sad and depressed. Your feelings are therefore an immediate signal for you to know what you are thinking. You are the only one who knows how you are feeling at any time.
Believe in yourself and be confident that you will succeed in life by reaching your goals. Your ultimate goal is to learn to become your best friend. Imagine spending the every moment of the rest of your life being with your best friend. What a wonderful life it would be!
Keep your thoughts positive, they become your words.
Keep your words positive, they become your behaviour.
Keep your behaviour positive, they become your habits.
Keep your habits positive, they become your values.
Keep your values positive, they become your destiny.
- Old Chinese proverb.
An excerpt from my book: In pursuit of relationships.
There is no simple formula to a perfect marriage. Over the years, there are some trends and principles that can help us better understand what set a sustainable and loving marriage apart from one that ends in separation or divorce. Positive and life-affirming relationships bring great pleasure, but unhealthy relationships can bring deep pain and sorrow. In order to make your marriage last and thrive, you need to ensure that mutual respect, trust and love are always present in your partnership. You need to show respect no matter what. Even in the heat of an argument, there should still be respect for partner. Don’t insult or degrade him or her. You have made a vow to support and love your partner in good and bad times. So practise your lifetime vow every day. Express grace and forgiveness after a heated argument and dispute. Reaffirm your love and praise your mate’s character and strengths. Use words of affirmation to describe your mate to others. The more you and your partner focus on positive common grounds and successful goals that you have achieved in your partnership so far, the more likely you’ll be happy in your relationship.
So how can you protect your marriage and shield it against the risk of divorce? It’s very important to understand the needs and wants of your partner. Most people have same basic needs to be valued, respected and loved. For most women, they need to be listened to, cared for, and made to feel attractive and wanted. For most men, they need to feel that they are the leader of the household, and the provider and protector of the family. Obviously, they need the full support of their mate to assume this role. In order to understand and know the specific needs and wants of your partner in life, you have to ask him or her. There is no other way. Therefore, open and honest communication is essential. Poor communication leads to unhappy couples more than almost anything else.
Discuss your financial issues in an open and honest fashion. Ensure that you both spend money and the family budget responsibly. Most importantly, inject and embrace fun and friendship in your couple’s relationship. Have fun and enjoyment together by going out for a walk, dinner, a movie, on a weekend trip, on a week vacation, or a ten day cruise. Have quality time together whenever you can, not only on special occasions. In addition, maintain strong friendships outside your relationship. Various surveys show that happy couples have numerous friends and hobbies outside their relationships. They love to try new things on a regular basis, and have fun with their friends. The correlation between fun and marital happiness is high and very significant.
Marriage is a give and take partnership. You need to forgive stupid stuffs and ignore the little things that sometimes drive you up the wall. Work together to build a real partnership and teach your values to the children you bring into the world. Most of all, no matter how long you have been together as a couple, don’t let a day go by without doing a little something for your partner: a touch, a smile, a kiss, a gift or a chore. Let your spouse know your appreciation and gratitude for sharing your life’s journey. Many people think marriage means you belong to each other. The truth is marriage is a true partnership, and you have to work hard to keep it so.
Excerpt from my book: In Pursuit of Relationships
On the 13th April 2018, I presented my speech on “How to live peacefully and happily, and prosper in the next 50 years” at the China-Africa Peace and Development Forum at the Intercontinental Resort Hotel at Balaclava, Mauritius. It was organized in conjunction with the 50th anniversary of the independence of Mauritius.
I talked about vision and purpose, closed relationships and service to others as they relate to peace of mind, happiness and prosperity respectively. When you develop your vision and purpose in life in alignment with your humane values, integrity and ethics you will inevitably enjoy peace of mind. Take all the time necessary to visualize your success and reflect on your purpose in life.
Harvard University Happiness Study studied over 750 people for over 75 years to understand adult development and what keep them happy and healthy as they go through life. The conclusion of the Harvard Happiness Study was that close relationships keep people happy and healthy. We all need to love and be loved by our family, friends and loved ones. So spend your time nurturing close relationships with your loved ones.
Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Oprah Winfrey, Anthony Robbins and Ma, owner of Alibaba, all earned their massive financial wealthy from serving others with products and services that people need. So don’t chase after money, rather look for opportunities to serve others in need of your skills, talents and expertise. The more people seek your products, services and expertise, the more will prosper in the next five or even fifty years.
In order to live a successful, happy and prosperous life, you should develop a vision and purpose and closed relationships, and provide service to others.
Are you living a successful, happy and prosperous life on purpose and by design? Your comments are appreciated.
Choosing the right partner is probably the most important decision of your life. You are trying to find a companion, a sexual partner, a father or mother of your children, a financial partner and a spiritual soul mate, all wrapped in one person. Finding your soulmate is much more than just chance, physical attraction and chemistry. It’s a combination of self-knowledge and understanding each other’s needs and priorities. A great deal of luck is also involved when choosing your partner in life since you have to meet him or her in the first place.
Who is your dream partner anyway? Your dream partner is a person who loves himself or herself first of all. He or she has a healthy mindset, confidence and self-esteem. Your ideal partner is a soulmate who welcomes all of you, including your flaws and imperfections. Ideally, he or she truly wants your happiness more than his or her own. He or she has the emotional maturity to understand that happiness is really an inside job and is not dependent on you to make him or her happy.
In my opinion, a physically attractive person with no substance is no match to a person with a lovable personality and ethical character. It’s always better to find someone with positive and loving personality and character who is willing to support and share his or her life with you. So what does a person with a great and loving personality and character look like? He or she has to have a passion for life, smart career and professional goals, humane core values, great communication skills, confidence, humility, compassion, and most of all respects and loves you for who you are. When choosing a partner in life, you need to be able to answer this vital question: would I still want to be with this person when he or she is old and weak? If the answer is a resounding yes, then there is a good chance you’ve found your partner in life.
How did you choose your partner in life? Please share your comments as I always appreciate hearing from you.
If you want to learn more about how to choose and manifest your partner in life, check out my new book: In Pursuit of Relationships. It will be published and launched in mid March 2018 in Mauritius. To pre-order my book, please contact me directly at email@example.com.
My new book, In Pursuit of Relationships, is just over a month away – to be published and launched in mid March 2018 in Mauritius.
Life consists of a series of relationship. Flourishing and enduring relationships are essential for your wellbeing and happiness. In Pursuit of Relationships addresses all aspects of the complexities of human relationships, including its many challenges and potential solutions. The author, Kin Tue-Fee, have strived to provide you with powerful and practical tools for making your relationship work, like how to:
· Improve and strengthen your relationship
· Revive your relationship by effective communication
· Choose your partner in life
· Support each other’s growth and success
· Create better connection with your partner
· Collaborate effectively to resolve conflicts
· Live in single splendour
· Reignite your sex life
To celebrate its publication, I have a pre-order free giveaway for Mauritians only.
For the first one hundred people who pre-order and pay for my new book (Rs550), I am giving away a copy of my book: Realisez votre plein potential (Value -Rs480). It is the French translation of my best-selling book: Become your best, available at all Bookcourt stores and Le Cygne.
I am excited for you all to read my new book and look forward to seeing you at the book launch and seminars in Mauritius in March and April 2018.
To pre-order and find out more, contact me personally via LinkedIn or at my e-mail address: firstname.lastname@example.org
“Once you’ve accepted your flaws no one can use them against you.” – Tyrion Lannister
Yes, you were born as the winner of your sperms race. You are special and unique. There is nobody like you in the whole wide world. Yet remember that you are just human after all. You are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them.
In the pursuit of success and happiness, you may be trying hard to be highly effective and to become an over-achiever. This inevitably tend to result in high stress and disappointments. In life things are not always as you like them to be. You are not totally in control of all aspects of your life.
Why not be more human, instead of trying to be superman or wonder woman? Be satisfied that you are doing your very best under the circumstances. Sometimes the results are not spectacular. Sometimes they are just average. Sometimes you even fail miserably. Don’t criticize yourself and undermine your self-esteem and self-worth. Accept your flaws and weaknesses. Focus more on your strengths, talents and skills.
Regardless of your circumstances and past failures, your attitude and grit will be the keys to your success and happiness. On your way to your success and fulfillment, remain humble, kind and loving. Offer your help and be of service humbly to other fellow human beings who are in need. That’s what being human is all about.
Please share how are you trying to be more human?